


You are dancing in my head

by Clopayne, Rosesnfeathers



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-22
Updated: 2013-07-20
Packaged: 2017-12-12 15:34:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 20,969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/813172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Clopayne/pseuds/Clopayne, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rosesnfeathers/pseuds/Rosesnfeathers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Liam just needed to change his mind, to think about something other than Danielle for once... So he got drunk and he danced, trying to get lost in the sweet haze of music and alcohol. But why on earth Zayn wanted to dance with him so bad, to touch him so bad, what was happening to him?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So! This is a fic that Clopayne and Rorry wrote in french first and the fame got to our heads so we decided to translate it in english and put it in here haha. Hope you'll enjoy! Clo wrote Liam's POV and Rorry wrote Zayn's pov.

_Liam’s POV_

Heat, sweat, bodies against bodies, that was the only thing i could feel at that moment. Nothing else. The smell of bodies surrounding me, all those perfumes blending together. Before my eyes, everything was blurry, full of lights, and neons. I was dancing like a madman. I let the music crawl beneath my skin, feeling the beat in every part of my body. I drank more than I should have, but I didn’t care. I wanted to forget, to finally let go. The boys had forced me to come with them in that damn club but as I walked through the doors of the crowded bar, I realized that it was just what I needed. Letting go, getting drunk and just forget. Forget the dull sadness that gripped my heart all the time and twisted my insides. All I was lately, was a shadow of mysef. My eyes were lost in the horizon as I tried to relive all the moments when I was with her. I tried to see how I could have fix those things before it was too late. I redid my entire life with her for minutes, hours, until someone, usually one of the guys, shakes me and bring me back to reality. I was extremely grateful of their help. I knew that they were worried about me and wanted me to get better, but I couldn’t. I wanted to force myself to stop worrying about her, but unfortunately, only time can make things better and my heart needed even more time to recover.

So an evening like that was welcome. Finally, I didn’t think about it, about her, and I was letting go for once. I felt some wandering hands on me and I found myself leaning in their touch. Sometimes I would put a hand on one of them, following their movements on my body. Sometimes I glimpsed a face, some large eyes, soft hair, satin skin, but I didn’t linger, going to one or another until I lose count of who was touching me.

But, soon enough, two hands firmly grabbed my hips and turned me around. I lost a little balance and found my nose pressed in the hollow of a neck that was truly familiar to me. In a slow and heavy full of alcohol gesture, I wrapped my arms around that neck and pressed my body against my friend's, taking a deep breath, inhaling that smell that was so comforting.

\- Liam, it’s time to go back at the hotel.

I shook my head as vigorously as I could.

\- No! I want to stay!  
\- It's pretty late. We’re leaving, come on.

Shortly, his hands still holding my waist urged me strongly outside of the dancefloor. I hung up firmly on Zayn’s body as we’re making our way through the crowd still dancing to the rhythm of the music. Finally we managed to leave the dance floor and we found Niall who was supported by Louis and Harry, looking a bit messed up by the alcohol. Louis smiled at me and I saw in his eyes that he hadn’t missed my little show back there. Embarrassed, I buried my nose deeper into Zayn’s neck, giving me one more reason to breathe his cologne that I loved so much mixed, as always, to that faint scent of smoke that was just so him.

 

_Zayn's POV_

I knew the others were somewhere in the bar and I was hoping that Louis and Harry took care of Niall since the last time I saw him he seemed to have some difficulty standing on his feet. Yet, I couldn’t think of anything else than Liam at this moment. I was watching him on the dance floor from the bar where I was leaning on and I was almost hypnotized. The moments where he let himself go as he was doing right now were pretty rare and, deep inside me, I was happy to see him thinking about something else than Danielle. I couldn’t retain a hint of jealousy in my stomach though, to see other bodies pressed against his. I don’t know why but I wanted to join him and let the music carry me to him, to feel the rhythm of the bass through his body and to put my hands on him. From the corner of my eye, I saw Harry approaching me trailing behind him Louis who tried somehow to support Niall. Harry leaned over me and asked where was Liam and I answered him by pointing my finger to the dance floor. I saw Louis taking a look and he throws his head back in laughter while Harry ran a hand through his hair and sighed. Niall though, didn’t seemed to have any knowledge of what was happening. With a nod, Harry motioned me to pick Liam and told me over the music that he had texted Paul aksing him to send us a car. I tried somehow to join Liam, pushing some wandering hands settling on my back and hips and finally I was near him. I could see through his shirt all of his back muscles contracting to each movements he was doing to the rhythm of the music buzzing in my ears. I felt once again, the need to press my body against him but I grabbed him by the hips instead and turned him around so he was now facing me. He collapsed against me, his face in the crook of my neck and the intense heat that emanated from him, in addition to the sweat that soaked his shirt, didn’t helped me at all to forget all the emotions that Liam seemed to give to me tonight. With great difficulties, Harry, Louis and I managed to drag Niall and Liam to the car waiting for us at the door. After installing a pretty wasted Niall who fell asleep in the process, Harry sat beside him in the backseat while they left Liam on the middle bench with me while Louis took the seat in the front, beside the driver. Liam's face hadn’t left my shoulder since the dancefloor and I felt his hot breath against my neck all the way out, which gave me goosebumps all over my body. After a while everyone seemed to have fallen asleep, as I remained awake dangerously aware of Liam’s body against mine. His breathing was slow, confirming that he was also asleep when he mumbled something before pressing a kiss, light as a feather, against the skin of my neck. He sighed and put his arm around my waist as he pressed me against him even more and I felt his hair tickling my cheek. I was frozen with surprise when Harry's voice, slightly panicked, went up from the back seat:

\- PAUL! STOP THE CAR I THINK NIALL WILL BE SICK!


	2. Chapter 2

_Liam’s POV_

I woke up suddenly, sitting up straight and turning my head in all directions to understand what was happening. I was in a car and next to me was Zayn struggling to open the door of the van and helping Harry pushing Niall outside, just in time. I quickly looked away, trying to think of something else than those disgusting noises Niall was doing, throwing up on the sidewalk. I felt the alcohol in my stomach started to turn and wanted to follow the same path but I took a deep breath and released it, a little shaky. It didn’t help me because the smell of Niall’s vomit hit me and I quickly put my hand on my mouth and nose to block my breathing. I heard the door of the van close immediately and a hand slipped smoothly along my back, trying to comfort me. I looked up slowly, as if the slightest movement could make me throw up everywhere in the van and I saw Zayn giving me a little smile of his own. His hand continued to gently rub my back and I felt a little better all of sudden. Sleep overcame me again and I slowly let myself relax on Zayn's shoulder again. He didn’t move for a few moments, but eventually, he passed his arm around my shoulders, pulling me a little more against him. A weary smile crept on my lips and I fell asleep again.

When I awoke the next time I was in my bed, in my hotel room. I looked around me and saw that someone helped me take off my shoes and my jeans before putting me to bed. But the person left me in the same sweater as yesterday. I looked at the clock on the table which told me it was only 7:10. I groaned in my pillow as I told to myself that I still had plenty of time to sleep. I stood still to go get me some pills that would help me with the headache and get a good glass of water because it looks like I had ate a handful of sand. I curled back under the duvet but, unfortunately, my brain took those relaxing moments to remember those peaceful times I had shared with Dani in the morning. It was always our time of the day. Those mornings when we woke up and didn’t get up until much later after talking, laughing and often making love passionately. I shook my head, trying to through those thoughts away and took a deep breath. I forced myself to think of something that made me happy. If I had something in mind other than Danielle, I would be able to go back to sleep in peace. I racked my brains, but didn’t have to look very far. By itself, my brain imposed on me the image of my friends with whom I spent most of my time now and that made my life something magical. A smile tugged at my lips and I buried my face in my pillow, thinking of everything they did for me. Pictures of them making me laugh, comforting me soon replaced those of Danielle. I fell asleep again, with my head full of four brothers that I loved more than anything.

 

_Zayn’s POV_

Since Niall had needed help from Louis and Harry to go to his room, I found myself with a rather shaky and wasted Liam. I was lying to myself the best as I could, but once I had removed his pants, I had felt suddenly very uncomfortable and I didn’t dare undress him more than I had already did. I already had a thing for his abs, tonight wasn’t the right timing to bring that back in my mind. I returned to my room, right in front of his and after freshening up a little I was lying on my bed, on top of the covers and looked at the ceiling for several hours. Every time I tried to close my eyes, images of Liam on the dancefloor came back to me, like flashes. Liam all sweaty dancing with his eyes shut closed, concentrate on the music, his breath against my neck in the van, his lips against my skin.... Why on earth was I unable to sleep? Why do I had only one wish tonight, that was crossing that damn hallway and go to sleep against him?

When I opened my eyes after a few hours, I was almost as exhausted as if I had just layed down in my bed. This eventful night without sleep had been no rest. I vaguely remembered dreaming of Liam but honestly, it wasn’t even a surprise. I had forgotten to close the curtains last night and the early morning sunlight was now hiting me right in the face which didn’t help my trobbing headache. I turned my back to the window, burying my face deep into my pillow when light strokes resounded on the door of my room. I was determined to ignore whoever was behind it and try as much as I can to fall asleep again, but on the other side of the door I heard a key slip into the lock and, no need to open my eyes, only one ot them had the nerve to enter a room without being invited.

\- You're still asleep? then asked the cheerful voice of Louis as I felt my bed swaying dangerously as he lay beside me.

I let out a groan before finally opening my eyes to meet those of my friend who was smiling at me, already showered and dressed. I wasn’t receptive at all and the only thing that I’ve wanted was to turn around and sleep for a few more days but Louis though, continued to talk to me and ask me questions. I answered by other grunts or monosyllables but nothing could discourage him who had seem to woke on the right foot this morning. A question, finished waking me up as if he'd throw me out of bed.

\- What did you do with Liam last night?  
\- Nothing why? I snapped a little to sharply.  
\- Em... When you brought him back to his room I mean? He looked pretty wasted. Shouldn’t have been easy, it seemed quite cuddly if you know what I mean, said Louis, raising an eyebrow.

I jumped up, almost knocking Louis out of the bed, muttering that all went well and that Liam wasn't at all loving, that he was imagining things. I turned my back on him and rummaged through my suitcase looking for clean clothes when I felt his hand on my shoulder.

\- Zayn? Are you okay? I know you're pretty grumpy in the morning but ...  
\- I didn’t sleep well that's it!

My clothes in one hand, I walked to the bathroom before closing the door a little harder than expected, remembering Louis’s words. Liam wasn’t “cuddly” yesterday, and his "affection" wasn’t disturbing me at all. When I finally heard Louis left my room, I turned the taps of the shower and while the hot water slowly but surely relieved me of my headache, I tried to convince myself that the trouble I had felt towards Liam yesterday was only due to alcohol. He was my bestfriend after all, nothing more. Unfortunately, while I stared at the soap bubbles that flowed gently through the drain of the shower, I was aware more than ever of these new emotions in me. I couldn’t even tell what it was, but I knew it would be harder than I thought to ignore it.

 

_Liam’s POV_

When I woke up again, someone was knocking on my door pretty hard. I groaned and looked at the clock, it was half past nine now. I slept a little longer than I had hoped so I got up and walked to the door and when I opened it, I wasn’t surprised at all to see Louis.

\- Louis.  
\- Liam! My friend replied in a state of almost panic.  
\- What happened? I asked him when he came in at a brisk pace and was now walking in circles in the center of the room.

I closed the door and watched him run until the headache wants to take me over again and I stopped him with my hands on his shoulders.

\- Louis, what happened?

Louis looked at me as if he had forgotten my presence and took a deep breath. He blocked his breathing before what seems like he was searching for the good words and then he finally talked to me.

\- Liam. What did you do?

I looked at Louis suspiciously, wondering what he meant.

\- Where? When? I replied.  
\- Yesterday Liam! Yesterday!

This time, I couldn’t help the worried look on my face. What did I do yesterday? I remembered about my evening, but some bits were blurred, especially those moments on the dance floor and also in the van and back to the hotel. But now, seeing Louis panicked as he was, I thought I'd probably have done something terrible.

\- I ... I do not know Louis. What have I done?  
\- Zayn ... He is ...  
\- Zayn? I interrupted Louis in its tracks.

Why was he talking to me about Zayn? I thought I had kissed some girls, that a fan took a picture and it was all spread on the internet. What it had to do with Zayn?

\- Yes Zayn! He is so weird this morning! He kicked me out of his room!

I sighed.

\- Louis... You woke him up right?  
\- Yes, but that's not the point.  
\- Louis! That is exactly the point. You know Zayn is moody in the morning! And it’s worse when he had drank the night before. I guess you’ve entered his room without his permission and that you woke him up? I know you Louis!  
\- But no! Well... yes, but ...  
\- Louis!  
\- Stop saying my name like that Liam! It's not because of me, I tell you! He was weird when I told him about you and he locked himself in the bathroom!  
\- What did you ask him?  
\- I just asked him about how it was with you yesterday. He was the one who brought you to your room and... you were pretty affectionate. You didn’t let him go all the way back here. You were literally clinging on him.

I shrugged. I knew I had tendencies to be sticky and cuddly when I drank but I also knew that the guys were perfectly aware of that.

\- And then? I don’t see why this is terrible... It happens often! I am not worse than Harry.  
\- True. Harry is worse.... But Zayn is not strange with Harry. But with you he is!  
\- Why do I feel like you are dramatizing everything again? I did nothing to Zayn, I swear!  
\- You remember every moment spent with him then? All of it?  
\- Em... No, maybe not. But ...  
\- Ah! You see! Maybe you did something! Maybe you kissed him!  
\- Louis... I didn’t kiss ...  
\- We don’t know Liam! We do not know! You were really affectionate, you know ... maybe you kissed Zayn when he came to help you go to bed. Maybe you even forced him to sleep with you!  
\- Louis! Stop it! I said, a little scandalized. I’ve done nothing to Zayn. Stop with your speculations!  
\- Okay, okay. But why Zayn isn’t feeling well this morning? Just after that you were super sticky with him yesterday? This is clearly suspicious, don’t you find?  
\- Ok then. Leave. I'm too hangover to deal with a Louis who’s making up stories and panics in my room this morning. Stop inventing things and you need to talk to Zayn later today to see if he is okay, right? I'm sure it's because he got up in a bad mood. Calm down Louis!  
\- It's okay, I'll shut up! But you cannot say I didn’t warn you! said Louis, raising his hands before going to the door of my room.  
\- Warned for what?  
\- That you could break his heart Liam! Louis said, almost theatrically, before opening the door and finally disappeared on the other side of it.

I turned to my bed, looking around me for a clue that would prove me that I was still asleep and this was all a strange dream. Unfortunately I found nothing and I shrugged before heading to the shower running a hand through my hair and with one last thought for Louis, I finally asked myself if I had really done something to Zayn, something that would have made him uncomfortable.

Despite my best intentions, even my hot shower didn’t help me feel better and it was with growing concern that I left my room for lunch.

 

_Zayn POV_

I was out of the shower for several minutes already, I have put a pair of black jeans, a white shirt and a black cardigan over it, I had rolled up the sleeves to the elbows and I was wearing my earrings, small silver loops. I also put some bracelets aroung my wrist and some rings on my fingers. I didn’t put my hair up this morning, preferring to let them fall over my forehead. I was ready and I had to get out of this room for several reasons. First, I had to go apologize to Louis for the way I treated him earlier and I also had to check on Liam. I had to act as if nothing had happened and asked him how he felt after his pretty hard evening. I stared at the door of my room repeating to myself: Go Zayn! Stand up Zayn! Come on! However, my body refused to move and I felt my phone vibrate against my thigh, and I fish it in my pocket to find two messages from Harry:

_Hazz:_  
1.2 Test? Are u okay? Louis told me that you were in one of your moods...  
10:12 

_Hazz_  
.... I'm behind your door but I’m afraid...  
10:12 

A smile formed on my lips for the first time since I woke up and I went to open my door to my friend who was standing behind it. He gave me a quizzical look as if he was afraid that I throw anything to him but seeing the smile on my face, his lit up as well. As he passed his arm around my neck to pull me against him, the door in front of us opened on Louis and Liam coming out at the same time. Louis immediately looked down, avoiding my eyes and freeing myself of Harry’s arms, I went to him and gave him a tight hug before whispering apologies in his ear. I didn’t really want to ignore Liam, but Louis put his arm around my waist as if nothing had happened and he took me with him down the corridor of the hotel to Niall’s room leaving our two other friends behind. I looked over my shoulder to make sure that they were following us and Liam raised his eyes to meet mine and I saw very well that he was wondering why I was acting so strangely. With a smile, I tried to reassure him but he was frowning like he was not convinced at all. We arrived at Niall’s doorl Louis drummed dangerously against shouted to Niall that he had to get up. The latter came to open the door before returning to his bed and jump in it, head first. Louis and Harry climbed on the bed and jumped like two children, singing loudly that Niall was : _Hangover oh oh oh, you've been drinking too much for sure!_ Niall grabbed a pillow in which he buried his face trying somehow to cover the voices of his bandmates. I watched with a fond smile on my face, trying to ignore the strange looks Liam’s was still giving me.


	3. Chapter 3

_Liam’s POV_

I was looking at Zayn, i just couldn’t do otherwise. I never had any problems with him. He was my friend and I had always felt comfortable around him. But, Louis’s words were now stuck in my head threatened to take all the space in it and I needed to talk to Zayn, as soon as possible. I looked in the direction of the boys still trying to annoy Niall who was rolled into a ball under the covers. Softly, with the tips of my fingers, I touched Zayn wrist, not daring to take it in my hand . I saw him shiver under my touch and he turned to me, a strange gleam in his eyes. I smiled and he smiled back at me but a bit shyly.

\- Is everything okay? I asked him.

Zayn smile widden a little and he nodded.

\- Yes. A little tired is all, but I’m okay. You?

I shrugged.

\- A little hangover, but it’s fine.

Zayn was laughing now, and I could felt my own laugh growing inside my stomach.

\- You were quite moody with Louis this morning?

Zayn rolled his eyes.

\- Everything is known way too fast in this group. I was just in a bad mood... Lack of sleep is all!  
\- Okay... As long as you tell me if there is something wrong ...

I don’t know what I wanted to insinuate with this sentence, but Zayn didn’t seem to understand what I would’ve said. If there is something wrong with me, with him, with us?.

\- Everything is perfectly fine, Liam.  
\- Okay then.

I smiled at him before turning my attention to those three idiots still bickering in the room. Since nothing would stop until they were exhausted and fed up, I sat on the other bed but at a reasonable distance to not getting hit in the face and waited since they decide that it was quite late and that they needed to eat.

It was finally Zayn who made them all stop yelling..

\- I heard that we couldn’t eat after 10, boys.

A loud groan was heard from under the covers, under the pile now formed by Louis and Harry and soon a tangle of arms and legs was pushed on the side while a Herculean Niall went out of his lair, claiming for his lunch loud and clear. I couldn’t hold the laughter that escaped my mouth and Zayn turned to me, proud of his shot.

It took only five minutes for Niall to take a shower and get dressed and we could finally get to eat, Louis and Harry still hustling their song.

 

_Zayn’s POV_

The problem with Liam, is that when he smiles it’s very easy to forget everything else. Maybe that smile was only affecting me that way but, no matter what my problems were, I know that there is nothing that cannot be resolved by his wonderful and contagious smile. While I was in this room, with my four best mates and when he smiled at me, asking me how I felt, I wasn’t lying to him by telling him that I was fine. I was fine because _he_ asked me and I was fine at that moment because _he_ was smiling at me. I couldn’t take the chance to tell him what was bothering me, I couldn’t take the risk to say or do something that would prevent me from seeing that smile again and again.

After a few days, while we were in a new city and a new hotel, I managed to think of something else and enjoy the moments I spent with him without asking myself too many questions about it. I even managed to convince myself that it was nothing important. Maybe I felt a little lonely? It was probably the reason why every time he touched me or spoke in my ear I felt chills form all over my body. Liam was my best friend, that was why I loved seeing him smile, making0 him laugh... Liam had a beautiful voice, it was probably the reason why lately, I felt a little mesmerized by him in every of our rehearsals... Yes, there were reasons for everything, everything was easier than admitting that I maybe had feelings for Liam. It was almost 1am and I still cannot sleep. I was lying on my bed, alone in my hotel room and I was watching TV trying to finally get some sleep. We didn’t manage to have separate rooms this time, well the others hadn’t because it was my turn to have a room by myself this time. Harry and Louis shared one while Liam was sharing with Niall. I stood up to go to the bathroom and brush my teeth when I heard light knocks on the door of my room. I walked to it, a little apprehensive about who it can be, toothbrush still in my hand, to find that it was Liam. He wore his usual pajamas : a pair of blue and green pants and... nothing else. He crossed his arms over his chest and he looked really tired. I could’ve ask normal things like: Liam? But what are you doing here? You want to come in Liam? No... I was standing there and everything I tried to push away over the last few days just hit me all at once. I still had my toothbrush in hand and I stared at him in silence, trying to ignore the tight muscles of his arms or his beautiful eyes heavy with sleep or his damn pants dangerously low on his hips, and his abs, God how I needed to forget his glorious abs just in front of me... It was him who decided to break the silence, muttering:

\- Niall is snoring... Can’t sleep.

Yes Liam, let’s go! Come into my hotel room at 1am with nothing other than your pajama pants to tell me in the most adorable way possible that you can’t sleep, go ahead!

\- Come on in.

Certainly, my mouth had decided to speak for itself forgetting the protests of my brain and I let in a grumpy Liam into my room who was now laying down in my bed. I slept many times with him, we all had slept together countless times. But tonight, as I was standing beside the door, I was frozen. Frozen because Liam was in my bed right now and after all the dirty thoughts that I had about him during the last week, this was a bit awkward. His back was illuminated by the TV screen, the only source of light in the whole room, drawing beautiful shadows on his smooth skin. I tried somehow to regain some consistency because I could’ve stay up all night watching him sleep. As if he was suddenly worried about the silence in the room, he said something :

\- Zayn? What are you doing?

He popped himself on one elbow to look at me and like it was the boost I needed, I returned quickly to the bathroom, muttering that I was only brushing my teeth. When I returned to the room, I shut the TV and lay down beside him. Phew! Does he always exuded as much heat as he does right now? It was so hot in the room all of sudden. I tried to stay still as I was lying on my back and stared at the ceiling trying to ignore the warmth that radiated from him. I didn’t know what to think and all I heard was the beating of my heart that I felt like it was going to get out of my chest and throw itself by the window. I felt him watching me in the darkness of the room and I knew that he wanted to tell me something. Maybe I wanted him to speak to me, or maybe I'd just wanted to hear his voice but I turned my head to meet his gaze and smiled to encourage him to talk.

 

_Liam’s POV_

I lied to Zayn. It wasn’t because of Niall that I came knocking on his door in the middle of the night. Niall actually had snored a little, but in general I slept so deeply that it doesn’t bother me. That night however, I couldn’t sleep because of my conversation with Louis in the morning. Again, Louis had talked to me about Zayn. I used to ignore what Louis was saying most of the time but since that first time, the idea had caught on and I started watching Zayn a little closer now. I watched his reactions when I was there and I had to admit that I was wondering what was happening. Zayn had always "those looks" like Louis was calling it. At first I didn’t understand, but looking a bit closer, I understood what Louis was saying. He always seemed to look at me as if I was the most precious thing in the world. I couldn’t get used to his eyes on me since I had realized that. In addition, as soon as I approached him and I spoke to him too closely, I felt him shivering almost instinctively. What was going on in his head? Why did he reacts this way? Is it something I had done or said? Something that was able to make him uncomfortable around me? I knew that I had been a bit down since my break up with Danielle, but I felt like we were closer than ever and I was happy to be that close to Zayn. It was definitely my best friend and he had an important place in my life and also in my heart. To see him like that, uncertain and strange around me was scaring me to death. Does he wanted to get away from me? Does he still wanted to be my friend? In short, all these questions were swirling endlessly in my head and were slowly driving me crazy. I had to do something in order to understand what was happening. And that was why, in the middle of the night, I was in his room. I was surprised to see that Zayn wasn’t asleep but happy because otherwise, I would have felt bad to woke him up.

As I waited for him to come to bed with me, I thought about all of this, my nose buried in the pillow that smelled just like him. How could I approach Zayn? I knew that if I just asked him if he was okay he would answer me the same thing as the last time I did. I had to find a more subtle way to understand what was wrong with him. I was still thinking about it when I finally heard him getting out of the bathroom, turning off the lights and then joining me in bed. I felt some tension between us and I didn’t know if it was because of me or because of both of us. Zayn was looking at the ceiling and despite the darkness of the room, I could see that his eyes were open as I saw his lashes slowly moving in the dark. I turned to the side for a better look and for eventually talk to him or something but I continued to watch him, looking him when he suddenly turned his head toward me and smiled. I was surprised but my lips twitched upward in response to his smile. I liked to see him like that, happy and serene. I loved his smile I didn’t want it to leave his face, like ever. Without even thinking about it, my hand went by itself to settle on his cheek and Zayn's eyes widened, but instead to retreat as I thought he would, his eyes closed and his smile was growing wider. My heart beat faster in my chest and it was as only with this litte gesture, Zayn had made me understand that he still loved me and wanted me as a friend. Intense relief rose up in my body, my heart but also in my mind. All of a sudden I seemed to relax, and I realized that I was finally able to sleep. I gently stroked my thumb on his face and before I can took my hand away, Zayn took it between his and put both of it on his chest. He turned his face toward the ceiling again and this time, his eyes were closed but his smile was still in place. My heart was beating a little too hard in my chest but the warmth of Zayn by my side and the rhythm of his breathing calmed me and I fell asleep to a restful sleep.

 

_Zayn’s POV_

I was surprised about how quickly I fell asleep. It was like in the last few days, my body had only wanted one thing to finally rest : Liam laying down beside me. I had taken his hand in mine and the rest of the night was a blur. The good feeling of being next to him, the soothing rhythm of his breath and voila, everything was perfect and I could have finally get some rest. I’ll have plenty of time for questions in the morning. When I opened my eyes, I suddenly froze, realizing that I was squeezing Liam's body against mine. Liam was on his back, his arm firmly gripping my shoulders while my head was resting on his chest, one of my arm around his waist and my legs intertwined with his. With a sigh, he turned a little to the side, hugging me harder with both arms this time and while he dropped his chin on the top of my head I heard him mutter a few words in his sleep. My breath quickened, suddenly realizing the intimate position in which we were. We slept together several times but we never ever woke up in a state like that. My lips were only a few millimeters from the bare skin of his shoulder and as I exhaled heavily, trying to calm down a bit, I saw goosebumps running on Liam’s skin, caused by my hot breath against him. I don’t know what went into my head at that moment but I placed one soft kiss, then two, then three, against his shoulder and his chest and finally his collarbone. I was enjoying the softness and the warmth of his body still asleep. I heard him moan softly and I just couldn’t stop myself. I stood a little to gain access to his neck where I placed my lips a little more firmly letting the tips of my fingers slowly running in the small of his back. Suddenly, I felt his breath getting quicker, a sign that he was waking up and I felt him stiffen against me but only for a second and when I slipped my tongue, right behind his ear, I felt him loosen up in my embrace. In a voice still hoarse from sleep I heard him whisper my name, almost like a prayer, like he was asking me what I was doing but begging me to continue at the same time. Without a word I kept leaving sweet kisses on his skin fearing that he pushes me at one time or another. I wanted to continue because if all of this had to stop, I wanted to remember the texture and the taste of his skin. Liam finally moved and while my heart threatened to stop, fearing that he would reject me or worse, throws me out of bed, I found myself pressed against the mattress and his body was suddenly over mine. Our faces were so close to each other that our lips were almost touching and with the tips of his fingers, he pushed a strand of my hair that had fell in front of my eyes and he raised my chin before putting his warm lips against my throat. Then, he fixed his gaze to mine, as if he was asking for permission to continue. I nodded once, and when his lips found my neck again, I shivered before he slowly goes down on my collarbone and I closed my eyes enjoying the feel of his lips, so full, against the fire of my skin. He goes back to my face and gently kissed each of my eyelids, then my cheeks and my chin, as if he was avoiding my mouth, as if he was not ready for it yet. When I opened my eyes, I could see a mixture of fear and desire in his owns. He pronounced my name again, but his voice was a little shaky this time. I slipped one of my hand on his neck and he closed his eyes at the contact of my palm against him and he leaned a little in my touch. I got up on my elbow, reducing the distance between us and when he opened his eyes I smiled sweetly to him giving him the chance, if he wanted to, to finally put his lips against mine. Which he finally did and it was a little shy at first, but the kiss quickly get more and more intense and full of heat. I felt one of his hands slide down my body, ghosting over my ribs, while he was supporting his weight on top of me with his other one. I pushed him to the side and he wrapped an arm around my waist pulling me even closer to him while my fingers were running into his short hair. I had some troubles believing that I was kissing Liam. He pressed me against him as if he never wanted to let me go and his fingers dug into my hips, harder enough to leave some bruises. I couldn’t believe that his skin was so good against mine and that I was the cause of the excitement that I felt growing up against my thigh. I slipped my leg between his and when he finally felt my erection against him, our lips disconnected as he buried his face against my neck, moaning my name again. I couldn’t help but desperately moving my hips against his and I felt Liam's body leaving mine suddenly. Before I could express my loss, my pajama pants had vanished and his too, but happily his body was pressed against mine soon enough. I didn’t know what trigger had been pulled in his brain but I had to admit that if he took control of all of this, l’ll have some troubles remembering my name. Liam kissed me again but his dark eyes were fixed on mine as he was grinding on me harder than before. The fact that we still have both our underwear was the least of my worries because Liam’s erection against mine and the warmth of his body was all that mattered to me at that moment. I lifted my hips to push against his and his movements became faster, and this was all so good. He closed his eyes and laid his forehead against mine as I could felt his hot breath against my lips and I knew that Liam wouldn’t last long. Slipping my hand under the fabric of his underwear I grabbed one of his butt cheeks to get him closer to me and Liam smashed his lips against mine, moaning filthilly against my mouth as his body was shaking with his own orgasm. I don’t know if it was the fact that in the middle of his climax, Liam's first reaction was to kiss me but he didn’t take me long to join him, my body shaking too underneath his. He finally collapsed beside me, his chest heaving rapidly and his colorful cheeks were a beautiful shade of pink. I popped myself on one elbow and I placed a light kiss on his lips and he smiled at me, that smile I loved so much. I didn’t know what to say at this moment because I was still a little on a cloud and Liam seemed to be in that soft haze too. We didn’t have any time to ask questions because the door of my room swung open on a Niall who seemed quite upset:

\- Liam where were you? I ... uh ... LIAM? ZAYN?


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, we're on tumblr
> 
> http://rorrystyles.tumblr.com/
> 
> http://clopayne.tumblr.com/

_Liam’s POV_

In general, after sex, I was someone who loved to snuggle against the person with who I just spent the night. But this time, two things prevented me from doing so. First, there was Niall who looked at Zayn and me with frightened eyes and secondly, there was the fact that I didn’t quite understand what had just happened. Did I just had sex with Zayn? With my best friend? I didn’t understand at all the need and desire I had just felt for him. I knew it has been a while that I didn’t had sex with someone but to finally let me go with Zayn? I had no idea that this could’ve happen to me.... To us... But in that moment, I had to put that aside because Niall seemed to expect an explanation that doesn’t come from any of us. I just looked at Zayn as he was sitting by my side, a bit too straight, looking far to nervous. He looked at his fingers, not wanting to make eye contact with Niall or me and his cheeks were red but I didn’t know if it was because of the orgasm he had just reached or because of the embarrassment of being caught by Niall. Besides, I didn’t really know what Niall had just seen. Of course, it was Zayn and me, a little breathless and a little sweaty in our boxers in the same bed but, it was still possible to lie to him and get out of trouble. When Niall looked into my eyes I realized that I needed to be pretty convincing.

\- Hey Buddy. You looking for me?

Niall seemed to wake up suddenly and began to speak, stuttering a little :.

\- Uh... Yes I... I was... you were not in the room... So... I was worried...  
\- You snore too loudly. I changed room last night. Sorry if I worried you.  
\- Hmm... no problem...

He stood there and he didn’t seem to know if he could talk about the subject of Zayn and me in the same bed without looking too suspicious. He opened his mouth and closed it. He opened again.

\- You... uh...

Cutting him in his tracks, before he even dares to approach any subject whatsoever, I spoke.

\- We were just waking up. I'll go with you to our room to shower and got dress.

I got up from the bed and in the same movement I grabbed my pajama pants that I put hastily to hide the wet spot that must be very easy to notice on my dark gray boxer. I walked to the door with Niall and I didn’t even turned around to look at Zayn and saying thank you for his hospitality. I just left the room, leaving a half naked Zayn with a very confused Niall.

I entered the room that Niall and I shared and I walked at a brisk pace to the bathroom. As I closed the door behind me, I heard Niall into the room calling my name. I made as if I had not heard and I locked it and made the water flow of the shower immediately. In this way, I was going to look busy and it was a good reason not to hear what Niall was trying to tell me on the other side of the door. I took a few steps back and forth in the small bathroom, running my fingers on my short hair and it took me two or three lengths before finally leaning over the edge of the sink. I closed my eyes, trying to regain my senses but when I closed them, images of earlier appeared to me more clearly than ever. I saw Zayn's dark eyes staring at me with this brilliant glow, his excitement clearer than ever. I saw the body of my friend moving under mine and his hips pressed to mine. I shook my head vigorously and opened my eyes, not wanting to see these images any longer. As my eyes met my reflection in the mirror that began to fog up under the hot steam that flowed from the shower, I saw them bright and my cheeks were a slight and beautiful pink. I saw a satisfied man. I looked like someone who just had the best orgasm of his life, which was kind of true. I put my hands on my face, merely wishing to chase that look away and I turned around, not wanting to see my reflection again. After taking my clothes off, I entered into the shower under the hot water, letting the warmth spread over my skin and relax my tense muscles that I hadn’t noticed yet. I washed slowly and I took my time, almost wanting to chase all traces of Zayn’s hugs, his kisses, his lips. But then, I was thinking about it again and I shook my head, wanting to chase those memories. The more I was trying to forget, the more these images haunted me and I felt a twitch through my member and then I realized that the image of Zayn below me, his hips against mine and his erection rubbing against me, was turning me on a lot more than I was thinking. What was happening with me? Zayn was a friend. I’ve never had thoughts like this about him before. Why now? I had never felt such a need to be close to Zayn, to tighten my body against his, to feel his warm skin under my fingers, to devour his beautiful lips. Was it because of the look he had thrown me just before I kissed him? His eyes were almost begging me. Was it because of those fingers caressing my skin that had gave me like an electric shock? I couldn’t resist. No matter what made me cross the line of friendship, I had crossed it and now I had to pay the price. What would be that price? The judgement in the eyes of people around us? Rejection? Acceptance? More importantly, what would be Zayn’s reaction? I understood that this was what he wanted, but I wasn’t a hundred percent sure about all of this. Maybe he also had a stroke of madness and was carried away?

It doesn’t matter, now I had to go forward. And the best way was to forget about it was to act as if nothing happened. I was out of the bathroom, dressed and ready to eat in seconds. I needed to continue my life normally. Zayn would surely do the same anyway and we would continue to be friends despite this minor inconvenience. That's what we would do.

 

_Zayn’s POV_

I fell on my back in my bed doing, I'm pretty sure of it, the biggest sigh of history. I couldn’t believe what had just happened. Every time I tried to close my eyes to help my breathing getting back to a normal rhythm, all I saw was _Liam_. His hands, his mouth, his eyes, his body radiating heat above mine. I smiled so much that my cheeks were stiff and as I bury my face in my hands, I burst into laughing, almost hysterically. I failed to believe the fact that a few minutes earlier, Liam was in my bed. I didn’t feel that happy for a long time and I would’ve been even more if Niall had not landed in my room as he had just done. Fortunately he had entered "at the right time." I would find out a way to take revenge on him about that eventually. After taking a shower and put on some clothes, I returned to my bed and I stopped there, glancing at the sheets, remembering what happened. I suddenly realized that I had wanted Liam for way much longer than I thought. These moments of intimacy that we had shared had given me butterflies. Huge and beautiful butterflies. Thoses were waiting to hatch for so long that they no longer know what to do to contain their excitement. The feeling in the pit of my stomach was simply delicious.

When I went to join the others for lunch, Liam wasn’t there yet and Niall gave me a questioning look, he didn’t speak, merely raising his eyebrows to me which was his way to greet me when he had his mouth full of food. Louis was filling his plate with all sorts of things and Harry, with his fork in hand halfway between his plate and his mouth, was looking at his phone. When I sat between him and Niall, he placed the object on the table and put the bite into his mouth before saying :

\- Uh? You okay Zayn? What did you showered with? You shine so bright I almost need my Raybans.  
\- I slept well that's it, I muttered, looking down as I felt the red rise to my cheeks and Niall’s eyes intently fixed on me. I'm hungry, I added, getting up to join Louis and I asked him where Liam was.  
\- He will surely come and join us soon, Niall said he was taking a shower.

Images of Liam’s body in the shower soon attacked me and I planted my teeth into my bottom lip to keep from smiling again. I had to stop behaving like a teenager where others would’ve suspected something. Grabbing a muffin, some fruits and a cup of steaming coffee I sit back in my place between Harry and Niall and after the first sip, I wondered if it was coffee that I had just swallowed or insecticide. Dead the butterflies at the moment because Liam walked into the room and gratified everyone of a beautiful smile. Everyone except me. He seemed frankly upset when he returned to the table with his plate and saw that the only room available was in front of me. He was talking to everyone, laughing, smiling, but he avoided my eyes, and when I spoke to him, he replied shortly with his eyes fixed into his food. I gave him a little hit under the table that he ignored before turning to Louis and asked him at what time we had to go to the radio station to our interview this morning. I couldn’t believe what was happening, all I wanted was to throw my coffee in his face and asked him if I had been alone in my room this morning. If I had dreamed all the desire that I had read in his eyes, in his kisses and his moanings against my neck? I felt a hand settle on my knee and I met the eyes of Niall, who smiled shyly. All the rage that had exploded in me a few moments quickly dissipated, I was now feeling a dull pain in my chest and my eyes were slowly filling with tears because I realized that Niall knew and that he understood too. He grabbed my arm while Louis, Liam and Harry were talking about our plans for the day and he motioned me back to my room. I didn’t hear what he said to the others, but moments later he joined me and his arm was passed around my waist. The tears were now rolling down my cheeks and my friend tightened his grip around me, whispering comforting words in my ear. He didn’t ask me any questions and let me cry against his shoulder until I have nothing left to cry and anger was back. I was wondering how I could go through so many emotions in such a short time. Niall’s phone goes off suddenly in his pocket and after reading the message, he looked up at me:

\- This is Paul... They need us to go to the radio station Zayn...

 

_Liam’s POV_

I was angry and uncomfortable and embarrassed but mostly angry but angry against what? I didn’t know much about it... I couldn’t blame Zayn but now that I thought about it, that’s what I just did. I could’ve been mean and blame Danielle too, but even I think it was a bit too much. I was ruminating in my corner while the interview took place in an another dimension. I tried to ignore her silly questions and Zayn’s sad and puffy eyes. I was still surprised that the reporter hadn’t asked him questions about the reason for his devastated look. When my eyes fell upon him my anger exploded deeper inside of me. Why did he look like someone who just had his heart broken when what happened isn’t supposed to mean anything? Why couldn’t he get over it all and continue his life? And why the hell Niall was on his side? I clenched my fists and tried to take a deep breath to calm down and forced myself to do the interview, which was lead mostly by Louis and Harry messing around as usual. 

My day went very, very wrong. I had to smile when asked for the photoshoot and spoke when I was obliged. I took refuge in my silence and my gloom and I was avoiding people coming to me, didn’t want to fake being friendly. Nevertheless, Louis came and try to discuss with me. I answered his questions in monosyllables and when he knew he would get nothing from me, he let go and I was alone again with my thoughts.

When the time came to return to the hotel, I was extremely relieved. Finally I was going to lock myself in my room and I bundle up in my blankets for days. I locked myself in, knowing too well that eventually Niall would come in the room and I knew the guys were going to eat at a restaurant not far from the hotel, but I wasn’t even hungry. I put in my pajamas and lay on the top of my blankets before turning the television on to change my mind. It must have been really exhausting being depressed all day because I fell asleep without realizing it, leaving the TV on.

I did wake up by loud knocks to my bedroom door and I mumbled something before looking at the clock. It was 21:00 and I had slept for at least 6 hours. I put the covers over my head, but the knocks didn’t stop. I groaned again and I pushed myself out of the bed to open it, seeing that the person doesn’t seem to give up. I opened the door without looking through the peephole, ready to snap but I stopped in my tracks realizing that the person behind the door was Zayn. My insults stayed glued to the back of my throat and instead, I looked in his eyes full of anger. He walked with a firm step into the room and I stepped back.

\- What were you doing? It was long before you open!

I said nothing, but with the darkness of the room and the sheets defeated he realized he had awakened me. But he didn’t even seem to feel guilty since he turned to me with a resentment that I didn’t know him. In an instant, my own anger resurfaced. 

\- What do you want Zayn?! I said in an harsh voice.

If my friend was surprised by my tone, he didnt show it and snapped back.

\- I want to know what you feel! You didn’t speak to me. You didn’t say a _WORD_ to me all day! What are you scared about? You’re scared that I jump on you again? Do I need to remind you that I was not alone this morning! You were with me! And you seemed to enjoy every moment of it as much as I did Liam!

To hear out aloud that something really had happened between the both of us in the bed this morning gave me a boost.

\- Nothing happened Zayn! It was a moment of weakness! I didn’t get laid since Danielle and I'm not made of wood, I gave in to the idea of having something other than my own hand for once. That's what happened!

When I finished my rant, I saw that Zayn was shaking. I was expecting him to hit me now and I realized that I deserved it so bad. I was horrible. But I couldn’t help but blame the world for what had happened. Zayn reacts but it was the opposie of what I imagined, instead of anger, I saw the emotion on his face changed until his eyes fill with tears. My heart stopped beating and all I wanted right now was for him to hit me. Harder than anyone ever did because I had just hurt him.

\- Zayn, I...

Zayn raised a hand to stop me and I went silent as I saw that he was struggling to hold back his tears from running down his cheeks and I wanted from the depths of my soul to tell him that I didn’t think any those nasty words I’ve just said to him.

\- It’s okay. It was nothing for you. It’s okay Liam, I can respect that.

His voice was shaking and I wanted to erase those words that seemed to have broken his heart in pieces. What have I just done? I wanted him more than anything and with all my heart to forgive me, I didn’t want to break our friendship. I needed Zayn in my life, by my side. I didn’t want something so childish to spoil everything. But I couldn’t see how I could do anything to fix those things I had just broken. My friend seemed devastated and he finally left the room :

\- Good night Liam.

He spoke in a whisper, but I felt all the sorrow in his voice, and when I turned to him, I saw the tears running down his cheeks. My heart broke even more. It was me who did it. I broke Zayn into a thousand pieces. I did the only thing that went through my head. I stepped closer to him, to his frail body and I surrounded it with my arms and I buried my nose in his hair and breathed in his scent. He smelled of shampoo and some styling product. A jolt shook his shoulders and I heard a groan from his lips as I realized he was fully crying now. I squeezed him a little harder against me to calm him but also to try to keep him in one piece. I whispered an apology in the crook of his neck and I wished with all my heart he could forgive me.

 

_Zayn’s POV_

I couldn’t say anything or think about anything. I wanted to leave the room because I couldn’t bear the feeling of his hands on my body... Not now, not after what he had just said to me. At that moment I didn’t care about his apology, I didn’t care whether or not he was thinking the words he said to me... He said it and I didn’t remember having suffered so much. His grip around me was anything but comforting but with a sudden movement I turned to face him and I dropped the palms of my hands against his chest and pushed him away. I shook my head again before backing toward the door of his room, I couldn’t breathe, I had to get out at all costs. I managed somehow to return to my hotel room and after struggling for several minutes with the key I closed the door behind me and let me slide to the ground with my head in my hands. I didn’t understand why I was feeling that bad and why I couldn’t stop crying. I should’ve hit Liam but I had been unable because all the anger he had caused me had evaporated the moment he told me that, what we had shared, had been a mistake. _I_ had been a mistake... I managed to get up and go to the bathroom and after I slpashed a little cold water on my face, I met my eyes in the mirror and wow, it looked like I had rolled under a bus. I heard someone scratching gently at the door of my room and a voice whispered my name behind it:

\- Zaaaaayn. Zaaaaayn open the door please, I'm worried.

I was afraid that it was Liam but fortunately it was Niall. I opened it and when he asked what happened because Liam was freaking out, I couldn’t answer him. I bit my lip fixing the floor as I felt the tears resurface again. Closing the door behind him, Niall grabbed my hand and led me to my bed where he forced me to sit down. He helped me remove my shoes and my jacket and he opened the sheets and encouraged me to lie down. After turning off all the lights in the room, he also took his shoes and lay beside me, he took me in his arms and l rest my head against his chest. These simple little actions were enough to make me cry harder and Niall didn’t speak, he just rubbed the palm of his hand against my back and try to comfort me as best as he could. Once my sobs subsided, he whispered gently against my hair:

\- I didn’t ask any questions Z, but I think the time has come for you to finally tell me what happened. I can not bear to see you so sad without knowing why.

He was right. He entered my room this morning on Liam and me breathless and although I knew very well that he suspected what had happened he said nothing, he was content to console me, and twice in the same day. He deserved to know because he took the time to take care of me. Then I whispered what he probably already knew:

\- I slept with Liam ...  
\- And it was so terrible? That's why you're crying since this morning?

I laughed softly against his chest because it was the kind of comment that I could receive from Niall. I slept with Liam and it was not his priority, he wanted to see me smile again no matter what he had to say.

\- And he yelled at you because he regret it right?

He asked me this question on a cautious tone, as if he was afraid of my reaction. I merely nodded, tightening my grip because I felt the tears coming back. After several minutes of silence, I finally told him in detail our argument because I needed to say it, to get it out of my system and he listened to the end without saying a word and then:

\- Zayn? Is that... Is there any chance that you’re afraid that what he said was true? Does a part of you, when Liam left your room this morning says: "I hope all of this was not to forget Danielle?" I think that maybe... This is why you're feeling so bad... Why Liam’s words done you so much harm... No? Because he has confirmed... No, it's not confirming anything because I know that Liam didn’t thought a words of it but ... You know what I mean?

I hated when Niall was right. Yes, that was perhaps a little for it, although I was on my cloud this morning, I had to admit that part of me was afraid too. God, that really scares the shit out of me to be honest. I didn’t answer, confirming a little that Niall was right when he said:

\- Shh. You know all he said wasn’t true Zayn. This is Liam! Since when Liam is so mean? With you even more?  
\- Since tonight...  
\- Stop it! Niall added. He is just as scared as you are mate.

He stood up a little like he was getting out of my bed because I had stopped crying and he thought maybe it was time to leave, but I grabbed his arm before asking him: 

\- Ni? Would you ... Would you mind spending the night with me? Please?

He smiled before laying down again and putting his arms around me and then, after a few moments when I started to fall asleep, he whispered:

\- Naughty Zayn! Two different men in two nights... What are we gonna do with you?  
\- It wasn’t at night, it was this morning...  
\- I’ll watch you tomorrow then.  
\- I hate you, I said, stifling a yawn.  
\- I love you too Z!


	5. Chapter 5

_Liam’s POV_

I have made a big mistake. Zayn was mad at me, like really mad. I really blew it all, all this strong and amazing friendship between us. When he was gone, I looked at my door for a while, hoping to see him again, but he didn’t came back so I sat on my bed and I looked at the wall in front of me. Eventually tiredness had me lie down and sleep fully clothed on top of the covers.

When I woke up, I was confused and wondering why I was still dressed. It was around 5:00 in the morning and I didn’t need to get up before a few hours. So I took off my clothes, remaining only in my boxers and I buried myself under the covers this time trying not to think about what had happened the night before and miraculously, I managed to fell asleep again.

I woke up again to the sound of someone pounding against my door and when I looked at the clock I saw that it was already 9:15 and that we needed to be in the hotel lobby for 9:30. I rose hastily cursing and yelling at the person who kept knocking at my door. When I opened it, I saw Louis with an exasperated look that deepened when he saw me not showered, not dressed, not ready.

\- Sorry, I overslept! I explained him on my way to the bathroom, asking him if I had time to take a quick shower.  
\- Forget it, everyone is already waiting for you downstairs. 

I followed Louis’s advice and rushed to my suitcase to put on the first clean clothes I could find.

\- What happened? You're up late... You never....  
\- I didn’t put my alarm, I forgot! I replied, struggling to put my pants on.

Louis continued to look at me with those suspicious eyes as if I never had the right to make mistakes in my life. Still, I could’ve found, I was far from perfect and I had made a lot of mistakes in the last few days.

\- But it doesn’t happen to you... Louis continued.  
\- Well it just happened to me, okay! I'm not perfect Louis! Sometimes I make mistakes too! Like the rest of you! I know that my anger against Louis wasn’t fair. Another reason to make him believe unperfect I was.

Louis gave me big shocked eyes and I decided that I didn’t have time to apologize to him right now. Or maybe I was trying to make myself belive that I didn’t have any times for any kinds of appologies this morning. I didn’t understand myself but I wasn’t really myself either in the last few days. I shook my head, looking for my iPod that would be helpful throughout the day to close myself from the others, from their looks and questions. Once I was ready, I passed the door and Louis hadn’t said a word. We both went to the elevator and waited for it to open for us.

\- You know, you have the right to have issues with him. It’s okay and we have nothing against that but, when you both made us feel like shit for it, it's hard to pretend that nothing happened.

Louis spoke without looking at me, his eyes still fixed on the numbers telling us what floor the elevator was. I was surprised by what he had just said. Does Zayn had told everyone that I had been disgusting with him? Is that the whole group was aware that I behaved like a monster? I wanted to ask Louis, but the elevator door opened and he rushed in it. There were people inside, so I couldn’t continue the conversation but I was dying to know how he knew and what Zayn have said to them. I was now afraid to stand before the others. I dreaded the moment when the elevator doors would open and I would have to face the looks of scorn and judgment on their faces. Does everyone knew? My brain turned to 100 kilometers per hour and the panic was raising more and more in my chest. My breathing was faster, my heart was pounding. I was going to be burnt at the stake by all others and by Zayn most of all. I’m sure they just all hate me right now and none of them wanted to be my friend anymore. Maybe I was panicking a bit too much. Surely Harry would forgive me because he had done things in his life that he wasn’t really proud of himself. Same for Louis who was one of my closest friend after all. And Niall... I didn’t know about Niall. I knew he was very close to Zayn, surely he would be mad at me for the rest of my days. And Zayn... I knew it was too late with him. I knew that our friendship was ruined. That he would never want to talk to me or be near me again. I literally have ruined everything.

When the elevator door finally opened on the first floor, I saw the guys waiting for us with Paul, and my heart sank. First, everyone was staring at me, but I detected among them different looks. Paul seemed worried. Harry had the look of someone who is completely bored and was just tired of waiting. Niall, his glance was hard, almost evil and Zayn… I just couldn’t see his eyes at all. He had set his large black sunglasses on and looked out through the large window of the hotel lobby. Niall had his arm around Zayn’s back and seemed really mad at me with his piercing blue eyes. I immediately felt uncomfortable and I knew that Niall was aware of the details. I felt miserable. I mumbled an apology to everyone and Paul put a hand on my shoulder, wondering if I was sick. I told him that no, I was fine, I just forgot to set my alarm. He said nothing more, but looked at me suspiciously. Another wave of exasperation crossed me. I really didn’t have the right to be wrong in the band right? Paul urged us in the van and we climbed aboard. Even before we turned the corner of the street I was scowling in my corner, my music to my ears with Louis on my side. I closed my eyes and continued to think about my life that have became so miserable. I dozed a little and I eventually felt Louis’s hand on my thigh in a comforting gesture. I tought that yes, Louis was going to be on my side. And I felt stupid thinking about that, because this was not a war.

The day passed quickly despite my gloom. Interviews overlapped and journalists were asking again and again the same questions which gave me the opportunity to think about other stuff. We were now on the set of the last program, a talk show live late at night. We were in the dressing room and I was dressed with what the stylist had brought me, a brick red shirt, black pants and bright white sneakers. Since my hair were very short now, I didn’t have to spent some times with Lou for it so I sat in a corner and looked at the small TV which broadcast all sorts of crap that was going on the channel. I was still laughing about a dumb joke made by the host of the show when Niall came in the room. He stopped and stared at me. I stared in return, wondering what he wanted from me. He was already dressed for the show, wearing a black polo shirt with pants red as my shirt and he was also wearing, of course, his eternal Supras that were black this time with red and white lines. His hair hung limply on his forehead telling me that he hadn’t been under Lou’s expert hands yet. I felt in his eyes some animosity towards me and I also felt myself shrink on the couch. I wanted to disappear rather than continue to be fixed by those piercing blue eyes.

\- Oh you think it’s funny Liam?

I looked at him even more surprised.

\- Funny?  
\- Yeah, you're here laughing and having fun while Zayn have difficulties holding back his tears since last night!

His words struck me like a knife in the chest.

\- You know he loves you like hell! Maybe even more than just a friend! And you insulted him and treated him as if he was nothing to you! You know what? You disgusts me, Liam!

He began to pace in front of me and I still couldn’t answer anything to him. I was too hurt and surprised by his words.

\- And you’re here looking all happy while Zayn is moping and trying not to die of sadness! Liam, seriously, if I had relied on someone to be bad in this band, you would have come last on my list. This is why it’s all so frustrating!

He groaned a little running a hand through his hair. He was really angry and I totally understood why he was so upset. I deserved every word he was throwing at me. That was why I did nothing or said nothing, I told myself the same things all day long. I wasn’t surprised that Zayn and Niall were thinking the same about me.

\- Say something! Niall shouted, staring at me more intensely. Say something Liam because right now I really feel like you don’t care about any of this!

I shrugged and looked at my fingers.

\- You're right, I just said in a low voice.  
\- What? Niall told me. He understood what I’ve just said, he just didn’t happen to believed it.  
\- You're right, I repeated, a little louder. I’m wicked, I don’t deserve your friendships. Tell Zayn I apologize again and I know it will not repair anything, but I wish I could. If I could go back and erase everything ...

Niall sat next to me and I looked in his eyes. Closer, the blue of it was even more terrifying. I looked away, watching the floor.

\- Liam. Would you return two days back or just one?

I looked at him agin, not understanding what he meant by this question. He explained.

\- Would you return before the "event", making quotation marks with his fingers. Or you'd come back just before screwing up everything with your dumb words?

I now understand what he wanted to say. Was I regretting my actions or only the words that I said to Zayn afterwards? It was a tricky question, a question that would determine the outcome of many things. That would determine whether Niall would keep talking to me and if I pushed away my relationship with Zayn or if I just stopped everything now. I took a deep breath keeping my eyes from the floor when I told him my answer, when I told him the truth:

\- I would go back in time yes, but for a day only...

 

_Zayn’s POV_

I was sitting in Lou’s chair waiting patiently while she was taking care of the final touches in Harry’s lucious curls beside me. Once finished, my friend passed near me and laid a comforting hand on my shoulder and a kiss on my temple before leaving the room, leaving me alone with our hairdresser and makeup artist. Harry didn’t ask anything, didn’t ask me to talk to him about it, but he was still there with me with that small touches, as always. Lou turned to me and sighed sadly before taking off my dark sunglasses. With a slight smile, she ran a hand through my hair before speaking softly.

\- Rough day sweetie?

I merely shrugged and didn’t said anything, while she was carefully choosing her brushes before applying what I knew was a significant amount of concealer under my eyes still swollen from the tears and lack of sleep. I closed my eyes and focused on the softness of the brush against my skin and Lou’s breathing close to my face, trying somehow to calm my nerves for the interview that we would do in a few moments. When Lou attacked my hair, wondering if I preferred it in the air or a little neglected, Niall walked into the room and dropped by, grinning from ear to ear.

\- What? I asked, raising an eyebrow.  
\- Oh nothing... I'm the next huh, Lou?  
\- Yes sweet cheeks! Stop playing with your hair! she said, giving him a light slap on the wrist while he was ruffling it again.

Despite the fact that Lou and Niall were discussing about other things, he kept staring at me with a mischievous smile. When she gave me the okay to leave, I got up to join the stylist who was waiting for me in the next room and when I was about to cross the door, I heard Niall calling my name.

\- Zayn? Everything will be okay!

He punctuated his words with a wink and kept smiling before continuing to talk with Lou. I knew that Niall had spoken with Liam, and I knew all too well that he probably told him that he regretted what he said to me... In silence, I put the clothes the stylist was handed me, a large gray woolen sweater on black jeans and heavy black boots. I liked it when the designers chose me simple and comfortable clothes to wear. Once dressed, styled and ready, I went into the room where Liam, Louis and Harry were waiting and my heart sank a little at the sight of Liam in his beautiful red shirt. I loved that color on him. I sat on the arm set of the sofa next to Harry and he fell on me holding me in his arms.

\- Mmm. I love woolen sweaters. It's comfortable.

I laughed softly, my face buried in his hair because he was rubbing his cheek against my shoulder like a little affectionate kitten. When he raised his head a little to ask me if I was feeling better, I couldn’t help but throw a glance at Liam and my eyes met his, reflecting for the first time since yesterday more sadness than anger. Without having the time to answer all the questions that Harry was asking me or the shy smile that had graced Liam’s lips, Niall poked his head through the door shouting:

\- It’s up to us soon!

On my way out, Liam grabbed my wrist but soon released it, as if he regretted touching it in the first place and his eyes were fixed on the floor as he asked me if tonight, once back at the hotel, he and I could talk. I wanted more than anything to reply that no, his explanations and his excuses he could keep them for himself, but he looked up at me and there was so much hope in his deep brown eyes that I merely nodded my head briefly before leaving the room to join the others.

The interview went well and since I was considered as the "mysterious bad boy" of One Direction, the fact that I didn’t talk much fit perfectly in my role and I suspected Niall and Louis to speak twice than usual to cover the fact that Liam and I weren’t really participating to the show. The way back to the hotel was rather quiet since we were all exhausted by our quite busy day and everyone was a little sleepy in the car. I sat in the front seat alongside Paul because honestly, I needed a break and also because I was a bit scared about the conversation that I had promised to have with Liam. When the car finally stopped in front of our hotel, I was the first to go out then without looking behind me I went to the elevator and eventually to my room. I knew he wanted to talk to me, he only had to come knocking on my door when he was ready. I grabbed a pair of old jogging that I loved and went to the bathroom to take a long and hot shower, and emerging from it a few moments later, I found Liam sitting on the edge of my bed. His back was turned to me but I could see from where I was standing how tense he was. I wanted to walk up to him and gently massage his shoulders and neck, but I shook my head, remembering the words he had spoken the day before. Although Niall seemed strangely positive about all of this earlier I was afraid of the presence of Liam tonight in my room and, without wanting to admit it, I was afraid I would never have to touch Liam again and that fear was more important than all the anger I felt yesterday. I wanted to blame him, it was stupid but it was also true. Without a word I went to my bag to put on a shirt and then I walked to the window, where I leaned, crossing my arms on my chest, ready to hear whatever he had to say.

\- I... I'm sorry about coming in without asking... I asked Paul to give me your key because... Because I don’t know... I think I was afraid you wouldnt let me in...  
\- I told you that I was ready to talk, why would I let you out?

My words came out a little harsh and I saw his shoulders dropped as he fixed his gaze on the floor and maybe I was dreaming but I saw his hands trembling. Whatever he wanted to say to me, I saw that it all seemed very hard for him to speak so I decided to throw myself into the water and tell him what I thought, what I felt because I was tired of crying and feeling so bad.

\- Liam... I know you know that what you’ve said to me was mean. I also know that you are really sorry about it but, no matter what excuses you’re going to gave me now, what you’ve said made me feel very sad and hurt... What you also did made me very sad. You ignored me as if what we shared meant nothing to you, you yelled at me as if it was all my fault, as if it was the worst mistake you’ve made... Do you know what it feels like to hear that Liam? To hear that one of the most beautiful moment of your life is a mistake? Do you know what it's like to be confirmed, to be yelled at straight in the face that you’re nothing for the person who mean the world to you? A very large part of me wants you to feel guilty as hell right now, but at the same time I don’t want you to feel that way. Maybe it’s weird but I just want you to know how I feel right now... And if you still want me, if you are as sorry as you seemed to be, you have the right to know how much you hurt me even if it was unintentionally... All of this really happened between you and me Li and it was everything I have ever dreamed of and even more than that. I just didn’t realize it was that important to me before yesterday... I don’t know Liam… I think that I've already forgave you for what you have told me and what you’ve did to me too and I didn’t want to do it so quickly but I just cannot help it... Because it's you and because yesterday in bed with you... That moment we shared... That moment was perfect for me. It was so perfect that I can’t think about anything else, I can forgive you everything as long as you’re not leaving me this time... And do you know what hurts me the most Liam? Do you know what it is? It’s that I'm afraid I can never relive something so perfect in my life again...

I turned to the window, turning my back to Liam to hide him my tears. I told him more than I would have wanted to but in a way, I felt relieved that I have done it. I heard some movements behind me, and in the reflection of the window, I saw him walking toward me and then I felt his hand settle on my arm. He encouraged me to turn to face him, but I didn’t want to move, to face him and show him how weak I was right now. He put his chin on my shoulder and wrapped his strong arms around my waist and I couldn’t pushed him away, I couldn’t because I've dreamed of this embrace all day.


	6. Chapter 6

_Liam’s POV_

When I wrapped my arms around Zayn, I saw his reflection in the window. I buried my face in the crook of his neck and took a deep breath, getting intoxicated by his comforting smell. I didn’t know if everything was okay now, I didn’t know either if only with this gesture I could've regain Zayn’s trust. I was hoping too though because, I didn’t know what to say to him, to make him understand that I wanted him a lot and that I wanted more than anything for him to forgive me. They say that we realize the value of something when we had lost it and it was right what happened to me with Zayn. The day I thought I had lost him was the day I realized how much he meant to me and how much I needed him with me. And now, while his cheek was pressed against my head and I could feel the moisture of his tears against my skin I realized that I almost ruined everything. He could've never wanted to talk to me or see me in his life again. I was so lucky he forgave me. I was lucky he loves me even if I didn’t deserve his love right now, not after what I had done to him. That was why a sense of urgency to be forgiven by all possible urged into me. I tighten my arms around him a little and I felt him sigh softly. I realized that his arms were lowering quietly and I tried again to turn him around to see his face. This time he didn’t resist and turned to me, his eyes fleeing my eyes. Tears was still streaming down his cheeks and my heart ached at the sight of his own sadness. I placed my hands on his shoulders and I took a deep breath before speeking. 

\- I know I don’t deserve you to love me so much. Not after what I did to you. And I only realized recently how precious you were to me and how I had to have you near me. I am happy. You're my friend Zayn. My best friend. And with the end of my story with Danielle, I discovered that you were more than that to me. You've been there from the beginning, you always wanted to protect me against bad things and the fears that I had and all I've managed to do is to push you away and make you feel like you were less than nothing to me. Really Zayn, you’re right I don’t deserve you. But if, in an infinite goodness, you can give me a chance, I promise I will do anything not to hurt you again. I'll keep you with me, protect and love you more than you could think about. If you could just forgive me a little and give me a little chance...

With those words, Zayn had raised his eyes to mine, but his tears were still streaming down his cheeks. I didn’t wanted to see such sadness on his beautiful face. I wanted Zayn back, Zayn my friend who always laughed at my stupid jokes and smiled like I was the world to him when his eyes met mines. I approached him and placed a kiss on his cheek, collecting a tear on my lips. I did the same with the other cheek, tasting the salty liquid on the tip of my tongue. I was still looking into his eyes, hoping to see a burst of hope and forgiveness. But Zayn didn’t seem to have any emotion. He was looking at me with big sad eyes and didn’t moved. I made worried eyes to him and I wiped with my thumbs the new wave of tears that didn’t seem to stop. I stepped back a little from him, this time puting a kiss on his forehead and I closed my arms around his shoulders. His face was pressed against one of my shoulders and he didn’t moved. I felt my shirt getting soaked, but I didn’t care. After a few seconds where Zayn hadn’t moved, I suddenly felt his arms closing around my waist hesitantly and finally, he gave up as his hands grabbed my sweater, leaving me the impression that he wanted to keep me here forever. But I had no intention to go somewhere else. I wanted to stay with him forever too, forgeting those bad memories of the last few days.

After what seemed like a second, but what was more about several minutes, Zayn moved away from me, reluctantly. He looked at me and his face was only inches from mine. His eyes had stopped pouring floods of tears but were still puffy. His cheeks still marked by the traces of those waves of sadness that had unfurled on them. Nevertheless, I was happy because he was still there, still in my arms and he had not pushed me away and for that, I was the happiest men. It was also for this reason that my lips went to kiss his gently, like i didn’t wanted to frighten him. I let my lips touch his for a few seconds before I moved away, not wanting to rush anything. When I looked into his eyes again his expression had changed. I didn’t quite understand how, but when our lips sealed again in a little more passionate kiss I realized that what I saw in his eyes was love, and it was intoxicating. I replied to his feverish kiss with as much passion. We were quickly breathless and my hands were now grabbing Zayn’s ebony hair as his have found their way under my sweater. Since the last time it happened, my brain kind of froze and stopped working this time my body started to react by itself. While continuing to kiss Zayn, I pressed my body against his until his back hit the window behing us. I heard a slight groan escape from his throat as his arms went around my neck. My hands slid down his body, caressing his slender but muscular body with my fingertips. When my hands came up to his ass, I lifted him a few inches from the ground and his arms closed harder around my neck as a sound of surprise escaped his lips. I took him to the bed where I dropped him softly before settling over him, one knee on either side of his hips. Our lips had never separated in all the process. We kissed again for a few minutes, enjoying the taste of each other and when my lips left his to his jawline and his neck, Zayn put his hands on my chest and pushed me away. I groaned and I let my teeth scrape over his sensitive skin as a rebellion.

\- Liam...

He said my name as a punishment but also a whimper. I continued to kiss his soft skin, down to his collarbone.

\- Liam... Liam stop.

This time his voice was a little more directive, more imperative. I stopped the kiss, leaving only the tip of my nose touching his shoulder, sighing.

\- Liam.

He took my face in his hands to bring it close to his. He had a serious look on his face and I couldn’t help but getting worried again, but he laughed, which made me even more confused.

\- Stop making your puppy eyes to me, you know that it’s hard to resist.

He kissed me again and I melt against his lips but unfortunately, he pushed me away again.

\- As much as I would like to continue what we have just started, I don’t want it to end like last time.

I would reply, but he didn’t give me the time to do it.

\- I just want us to take our time. I don’t want to be as urgent as we were last time. I want to live every moment, every caress Liam. And tonight I'm too tired and emotionally exhausted to do it well okay? But if you want, you can sleep with me, I'd love you to stay.

I smiled and kissed him once more, but more bit more sweetly this time..

\- Okay, I want to stay.

Zayn gave me his "special Liam" smile and the intense heat I was feeling into my body suddenly vanished and we prepared ourselves to go to bed. Zayn lent me one of his pajama bottoms because I was too lazy to go back to my room to go get mines and we cuddled together under the covers. I was really happy to be where I was and I'm sure I fell asleep with a smile on my face.

 

_Zayn’s POV_

Compared to last time, it wasn’t me who was clinging to Liam’s body in the morning. It was his arms around my body and his face buried in the crook of my neck and I felt his broad chest against my back. This morning, I felt safe, as if nothing could happen to me because he held me against him, because even in the deepest of sleeps, his actions were speaking for him. Despite my happy mood, I felt hunger in my stomach, my right arm which I supported my head onto was numb plus, I wanted more than anything to smoke a cigarette. As if he knew what I needed Liam’s arms left my waist and he rolled onto his back, muttering what I thought was my name. I was torn between going back into the warmth of his body that had just left mine and wanted to smile to myself like a school girl because Liam pronounced my name in his sleep. I got up and grabbed my pack of cigarettes before going down the hotel corridor to a small room where there were couches and a small table. Management gave me the right to smoke there as long as I open the large window well enough to blow my smoke outside. I watched the sun rise slowly over the city through the window and it was downright beautiful. I had finished my cigarette for several minutes but this morning I was happy even in that early hour of the day. I wanted to enjoy the colors of the sky, the yellows and pinks and all other brilliant colors that were reflected exactly how I was feeling. I was roused from my reverie by a sigh of relief that seemed to come from behind me and I turned to see that it was Liam who stood in the open doorway, still in his pajama bottoms. My face lit up with a smile then but his expression seemed worried.

\- I thought you were gone... he finally said, rubbing his hand against the short hairs of his neck.  
\- Liam, this is my room? And yours is the other side of the corridor.  
\- I know but...

He was looking so uncomfortable that I couldn’t help but laugh and I could see he was also struggling against the smile that threatened to light up his face. Then, as I approached him he looked up and he took my hand in his, letting his thumb running against the back of it. He stepped closer to me and hold my hand tighter as he whispered:

\- Good morning.  
\- You were really scared that I left? I whispered, as if I didn’t really believe the words I had just heard. 

He merely shrugged before pulling gently on my arm to take us back to my room, our room. Liam didn’t seem to notice as we passed Niall’s door that it had just closed softly and I smiled because Niall was right, things were finally right and I had to thank him for that. After entering the room, I closed the door behind me and I leaned my back on it looking at Liam who was standing in front of me. He came toward me and he stroked my arm until his fingers were locked with mines, then he slid his other hand under my shirt and went to my ribs before going down and rest his palm against my waist. He pulled me a little closer to him and my hand still free came to rely on his cheek. He looked at me so seriously, a fold of concentration was formed between his eyebrows as if he was trying to memorize each of my features, like he was seeing me for the first time. I ran the tip of my index finger on his forehead, which pulled him out of his thoughts and he smiled. He walked away from me, his warm hand leaving the bare skin of my hip but his fingers remained intertwined with mine. It was suddenly cold without his warmth. He led me to the bed and sat at the end of it while I was still standing in front of him, his hand left mine and he grabbed me by the hips, bringing me a little closer to him. He pushed his hands under my shirt again and he passed it over my head before throwing it in the direction of my suitcase. With his fingertips, he drew the tattoo on my hip, then he got up to my collarbone before going back down again to follow those on my forearm. I closed my eyes to that gentle touches against my body, but when I felt his warm breath against the bare skin of my belly and then his lips settling on the tattoo he had drawn earlier with his fingers I suddenly blink them open. I bowed my head and I crossed the amused gaze of Liam looking at me from below, through his eyelashes. I pushed him on the bed, laughing, before heading to my suitcase to take what I needed to prepare myself for the day. We were having a full day of interviews that began very early and to confirm my thoughts, Liam’s phone alarm went off at the same time. I wanted more than anything to let Liam have all the fun of the world discovering the most intimate parts of my anatomy this morning but we unfortunately didn’t have time to do such things. Still lying on his back in the sheets of my bed, he let out a groan before stretching an arm to turn the phone that was still ringing loudly. He got up and walked over to me and, with a new confidence he placed his lips against mine and kissed me, a hand in the small of my back and one on my neck while my arms hung limply on either side of my body, I was too surprised to participate. He stepped back a few moments and raised an eyebrow in the air, as if to remind me that these things were usually done with two pair of lips so I dropped back my things on the floor before moving my arms around his neck and kiss him back, a little more passionately this time. Our kiss ended slowly and Liam rubbed his nose against mine before telling me softly that he needed to returned to his room to prepare. I hugged him as if he was going away for a very long time, which made us both laugh. He walked out of my room and I began to prepare myself, rummaging through my bag. I pulled out a pair of beige trousers and a white shirt on which I put a dark blue long-sleeved shirt. I was trying somehow to tame my hair into something presentable when I heard someone knocking softly at my door. I found Niall on the other side of it, smiling at me and he asked me:

\- I was right, right?

As my answer I pulled him into my arms and a put a loud kiss on the top of his head. He laughed of his peculiar laugh, the contagious one with his face pressed against my shoulder and I couldn’t help but to join him. At the same time, Liam came out of his room with a smile on his lips that grown bigger when he looked down on us. I must say that we were always laughing like two fools in the arms of each other in the middle of the hallway of the hotel. He was now wearing a pair of black jeans and a t-shirt of the same color of which he had rolled the sleeves, much like Harry tended to do. When he turned to lock the door, I could see the muscles of his shoulders and arms contract under every movement, even when he passed his bag slung over his shoulder. I still had Niall in my arms, but my eyes were fixed on Liam who was standing in front of us with an outstretched arm toward us, toward me. He held my hand and I grabbed it without asking any questions, freeing me from Niall’s embrace. The latter was still smiling, maybe even more now and with a friendly gesture, he shook Liam's shoulder before opening the way to the elevator to join the others.

_Liam’s POV_

The day was long and painful because of those many interviews that were always the same, but even more because Zayn was turning my life into hell. I knew that I had been mean to him, but I thought he had forgiven me and that we could start off on a new base! So why was he walking in front of me, rolling hips in such an indecent way? Why was he stroking my arm nonchalantly with his fingertips, leaving me shivering? Why when his eyes were crossing mine, all I was seeing was the reflection of my own love and desire? Waiting for the end of the day when we can finally be alone together in our room was like going through hell. Niall was having the time of his life, laughing at me as I try to hold that need to jump on Zayn and kiss him all over. Whenever I met his gaze, his smile was answering me, like he was understanding my desires but couldn’t help torturing me. I was almost about to lose my mind, cursing a little bit more against those many unnecessary interviews.

We were in a break for lunch later and I was still chewing thoughtfully on my sandwich when I felt a warm hand on my shoulder. I turned around and saw Zayn sit beside me on the sofa where I was. His smile was comforting and beautiful as always so I smiled back to him.

\- You okay Liam? You look exhausted. You very nearly rolled your eyes on that last question the journalist asked.  
\- I know... I'm sorry. I'm a little tired of hearing the same questions.

Zayn looked at me with a surprised expression.

\- But it's always the same thing and you know it. It’s even you most of the time who said that we don’t have to be frustrated and that it’s for the fans that we do that. Why is today different?

I looked at Zayn. I didn’t wanted to lie to him because it was true that I was acting strangely. At the same time, I didn’t really wanted to tell him that it was because all I wanted was to hold him close and kiss every inch of his body. I ran my tongue over my lips softly, thinking what I was going to answer him, but I surprised Zayn watching my mouth with envy. I suddenly realized that I wasn’t alone in this mess and I had just acted like a spoiled child. I sighed and leaned onto Zayn, placing my head on his shoulder. He put his arm around mine and I laughed softly.

\- I think that I’m just looking forward being alone with you. I wish we could have stayed in bed all day.

I ran my hand gently on his back, stroking my thumb on his bare skin under the bottom of his sweater. Zayn rest his head on mine, squeezing himself a little bit more against my body and he kissed the top of my head and sighed.

\- If you knew how much I would have loved to spend the day just with you, alone. But at least tomorrow we can do it, right?

He said it as a question, probably not knowing if I had something else planned for this one day off we had this week. I raised my head and looked into his eyes.

\- Of course that's what we'll do tomorrow! Sleeping, eating, stay in bed. I don’t even want you to get dress.  
\- That is an excellent plan! Zayn told me with a smile and desire in his eyes.

He placed a light peck on my lips and it was only because I was scared that someone could surprise us that I didn’t returned it as eagerly as I wanted too.

***

\- Hey Liam!

I turned to face Niall who came running down the corridor of the hotel.

\- You're coming with us? We’re going to take a beer at the hotel bar.

Even if I knew that beer would make me relax and help me calm down of my stressful day, I only wanted to lock myself in my room.

\- No thank you Niall. I'll just go take a shower and rest I think.

A mischievous smile crossed his lips and he squeezed my shoulder telling me that there was no problem and that he wished me good evening. I raised an eyebrow, wondering what that smile would mean, but I didn’t have time to ask because Niall was already running back from where he came. I told myself that it was not a big deal and I went into my room with an incredible desire to sleep in my bed without asking me any more questions but I knew I wouldn’t be able to get up to go take a shower afterwards. I picked up what was left of courage in me and I took my belongings to go wash myself.

The shower was good and I got out of it feeling way much better, but still not enough for a beer with the other boys. I put on my pajama bottoms, not taking care of putting a t-shirt on and I lay in my bed cuddling in my blankets. I grabbed the TV remote, opened it and I began to browse through the different channels hoping to find something pretty good to listen.

I was on my second tour of all the channels when I heard a knocking at my door. I winced, because I had to get up from my bed, but I did it anyway because the person behind the door was knocking louder. I rolled out of bed and went to open the door and behind it was standing Zayn with down dark gray pajamas and a white t-shirt, his hair still wet and dangling over his forehead and in front of his eyes. He was smiling to me and even if I was happy to see him, I couldn’t help but being surprised.

\- Zayn? What are you doing here? I asked.  
\- Well I’m happy to see you too Liam... He answered me with a raised eyebrow.

I laughed and I moved aside so he could enter my room. He noticed the dimmed lights the open television and he turned his attention to me as I came to him after closing the door. Quite simply, his arms closed around my neck and my hands found their way into the small of his back. He placed a light kiss on my lips and asked me.

\- You were going to sleep?  
\- Not really. I was just tired so I decided to take things slow tonight. I thought you had gone to the bar with the guys.  
\- No, I told Niall that I was tired and I that I wanted to go to bed early.  
\- Ahhh! That was why he did that face to me.... I said the same thing.

Zayn laughed and I followed, looking at his tongue pushed against his front teeth with interest.

\- Oops... it was maybe a little too obvious that we wanted to spend the evening together then.

I shrugged a shoulder.

\- Whatever. Niall knows. He shouldn’t be surprised.  
\- Indeed, simply replied Zayn breaking away from me. So you want us to stay here and get disturbed by Niall when he came back or we’re going back to my room?

I didn’t thought that long about his question and I grabbed what I needed and shut the TV. Zayn laughed again and I followed him into his room. We saw no one in the hallway, which was good because we didn’t wanted to be bothered tonight. I barely had time to put my things on the nightstand that two arms were suddenly around my waist from behind. Zayn kissed me in the crook of my neck and kept going on my bare shoulders and my back. I let him do it, enjoying the gentle touch of his lips on my body.

\- If you knew how I thought about doing this all day, Zayn said between kisses that he continued to leave along the line of my shoulders.  
\- So do I. I think it was the longest day of my life.

Zayn chuckled, sending shivers down my spine and I shuddered feeling his breath over my bare skin. I had the desire to take him in my arms, but at the same time Zayn sweet touches were leaving me breathless. Soon Zayn’s hands gently slid down my arms and tickled my sides and I squirmed slightly under his fingertips. I took advantage of it and turn around to face him. Zayn looked at me with a big nasty smile, with his tongue pressed against his teeth. I had the urge to kiss him and my hands tightened around his cheeks, burying the tip of my fingers in his hair, my palms framing his prominent cheekbones. I kissed him, teasing him a little, biting his lower lip, tickling his tongue with mine. Zayn groaned against my mouth and I smiled, a chuckle in my throat and Zayn took his revenge, puting all his weight against me so I fell backward, losing my balance. I panicked, trying to cling to Zayn, but it fell a little more against me, making me fall for good. A cry got out of my mouth before I realized that we were falling on the soft mattress of Zayn’s room. Now lying on my back I heard him laugh before I held him tighter in my arms and rolled us on the bed, now hovering Zayn’s body with mine. It was my turn to laugh at his surprised face. I lay on him, crushing his body with all my weight, but instead of complaining, Zayn simply closed his arms in the small of my back and kissed me passionately.

Thus we kissed for a few moments, but I finally moved because I didn’t want Zayn to die suffocated beneath me. I stood up with arms on each side of his head and looked down on him with passion. I thought about how beautiful he was, like I saw him for the first time. His flawless skin, silky smooth, his eyes of such a beautiful color, his long eyelashes tickling my cheek when he kissed me, his soft hair that just gave me the desire to put my fingers in it. This man was everything to me. He had been there all along, waiting for me and I didn’t see anything. But now I was seeing him. I was truly seeing Zayn for the first time of my life, with all his love for me and all the love I had for him. He looked up at me, wondering what I was doing and he smiled while his fingers caressed my cheeks, my lips, my chin, my neck, my shoulders. Like he was trying to memorized all my features, as if I would disappear.

\- I'm not leaving Zayn. I won’t go anywhere. Not now that I found you.

He looked at me with a gorgeous smile, but I saw some tears in the corner of his eye. I smiled and wiped it with one of my thumbs. I laid my lips back against his, hoping to put all the love I had for him in that kiss. He replied excitedly, his hands running more avidly on my shoulders, my hair and my back. My pulse quickened so as my breath. My desire for Zayn was growing up becoming soon unbearable. I soon found out that there were too many clothes between him and me so I stopped kissing him and I heard Zayn grumbled, annoyed that I had stopped. I stood up sitting on his lap and I began to remove his sweater quickly and he stood too to help me do it. Once done, I sent his sweater somewhere in the room and returned to Zayn’s perfect body, placing my mouth on every inch of his torso. I wanted to taste his entire skin, being enveloped by his smell, feeling the heat radiating from his body against mine. Zayn's hands buried themselves in my short hair as my tongue traced the outline of each tattoos which was covered his olive skin. Eventually, my tongue reached the heart on his hip that I was only seeing a little because of his pajama pants. Quickly down the bed, I slid unceremoniously Zayn’s pants on his thin legs. He was still wearing his boxers, but they were low enough that I could finally taste his tattoo that was so tempting to me.

I heard Zayn moan and I looked up to meet his eyes. They were now black with desire and I could only imagine mine were equally overwhelmed. I went up to him and kiss his lips that he had bitten hard so I seized them in mine, swallowing Zayn’s sighs. Zayn ran his hands between us and me and pushed me slightly but not wanting to stop the kiss, I didn’t move. Zayn groaned, pushing me a little more strongly.

\- Liam, he says against my lips.  
\- Hmm? I answered simply without ceasing to kiss him.  
\- Liam... I want to...

His sentence ended in a growl as I had rolled my hips against his, causing a release of feelings in my body and his own. Finally Zayn seemed to change his mind because his arms closed around my waist and his hands came to my butt, firmly making me roll my hips once more against him, pulling an uncontrolable moan out of both of us. His hands slipped under the fabric of my pants and tried by all means to pushed it down on my thighs. Smiling, I decided to help him and I got up to take them off myself. Zayn tried to stand up too for an unknown reason, but didn’t have time because I pushed him on the bed again, telling him to go back to the center of it. Zayn groaned, but obeyed anyway. Wearing only my black boxer, I climbed onto the bed and went to lie down against him. Zayn's hands goes immediately on my chest, eagerly browsing it. He wanted to push me on the back to climb on me, but I prevented him to do it, trapping his wrists in my hands and then against the bed. Zayn didn’t groaned this time, he seemed quite surprised, but also very excited by my gesture. I felt his cock twitching against my thigh as I pushed him deeper in the matress.

\- Liam...

He said my name in a low, hoarse voice, almost like a punishment. I rolled my hips once more against him and his eyes closed and his mouth opened to let out a sigh. It was beautiful and I wanted to continue just to see him like that, to see him completely bewildered, submitted to me, bending under my hands, hoping that I give him what he wanted from me. I discovered a dominant side of me in bed that I had never been and I was more than excited by it. Getting into my role completely, I brought his arms above his head and kept a firm hand by his wrists. His eyes suddenly opened, staring at me. I smiled and released my hand as I stroked his body gently. Zayn was now squirming under my touch, hoping more of my naughty fingers. Soon I came near his underwear and I decided that they had no place to be and I began to remove it with one hand. The breath was blocked out of Zayn as I was struggling with his uncooperative boxer. Zayn raised his hips, doing the only thing he could to help me and I finally managed to get them down to release Zayn of his throbbing erection. My friend pushed his head in the pillow, overwhelmed by the satisfaction of finally having his member in the open air. My free hand gently climbed along his thigh, stroking his hips, back down along his other thigh. I absolutely avoided his cock that I was seeing twitched whenever I approached it.

\- Liam... said Zayn in a whimper.

To silence him, I kissed him passionately and while I kissed him on the mouth, tangling our tongues to each other, I finally grabbed his penis between my fist. Zayn had to once again take a deep breath. I was slow and gentle, wanting to make his pleasure lasts longer but already, Zayn was trembling under my touch and I suspected that he wouldn’t last long. I decided that he shouldn’t be the only one having fun and I let him go before pulling off my own boxers. My member bounces too and I grabbed it in my hand. I grunted in satisfaction enjoying that little friction and Zayn watched me with eyes full of lust. After a few shots, I layed back on him my body as close as possible to Zayn’s, still holding his wrists in my hand. With my free hand, I just grabbed our two cocks at the same time and started to go back and forth once more. Zayn and I groaned together, the feeling was wonderful. Feeling Zayn’s member against mine, feeling his excitement, his warmth. All these sensations were overwhelming in the best of ways. I looked at Zayn and he had buried his face in the skin of my forearm as I was still holding his wrists. The picture was amazing. He seemed completely lost in his pleasure and he was now shaking underneath my body drowned by his own rising orgasm. Just with that sight, I felt my body starting to shake too. My hand closed a bit more tightly around our two members and I accelerated the movement, leaning over Zayn, kissing and biting the skin of his throat.

\- Ahh... Liam...

I knew Zayn was warning me, I could feel it on my fingers. My two hands closed stronger on him, the one on his wrists and the one around our dicks as Zayn came in between us burying his face against my arm. I continued my movements, wanting to get every drop of desire out of Zayn. The latter, with one last breath, opened his eyes and smiled. He gently tugged on his arm and I let him go. He closed his arms around me rolled us over, pinning me to the bed. This time I let him do it and he kissed me and I greedily devoured his mouth as well. I understood what Zayn wanted as his long slender fingers closed around my member. I pushed my head back as I began to shiver again, already on the verge of my own climax. Zayn didn’t take his time, he wanted me to come so I let myself go, enjoying Zayn’s mouth on my skin and his hand around me. I felt myself quickly losing ground with reality, overwhelmed by my emotions. I buried my face in his neck and my teeth closed over his skin as my orgasm hit me hard, taking me with all its power. Zayn continued his slow movements until I relaxed completely and once done, he looked at me and kissed me again.

\- You're so beautiful, he said, stroking my cheek with his tumb.

I smiled, because it was him who was beautiful with rosy cheeks, his hair disheveled and his tired eyes. I kissed him gently, tasting his lips because I could. Zayn let go of me and took a tissue to clean both our abdomens and palms. I helped him and finally pulled the covers over our bodies. I stretched to close the bedside light and snuggled under the covers. Zayn turned his back to me and I wrapped my arms around him pulling him close. He looked small and frail as he curled up in my arms, against my chest. I buried my nose in his short hair at the base of his neck and I sigh of happiness. I fell asleep quickly, breathing deeply that smell that was now simply familiar to me, simply Zayn.

_The end_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is it, this is the end. I hope you guys enjoy it :) Maybe another collaboration in the future? who knows! ;)


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